I'm not sure I was ready, when we adopted our first (I was 35, my wife 34). I think we figured it out fairly quickly, though! My wife stays at home (I keep bugging her to switch!), which I think is important.

Roy

All parents should check out http://detentionslip.org. It's one of the leading sources for crazy news in public schools and education.

We are actually the stereotypical family of the 50's! I'm a stay at home mom to four kids with a husband who works long hours in order to support his family. My oldest is 8 and the youngest is 3. They are good kids--unmotivated to help out in any way, shape, or form! I don't know if it's a failure on my part---my "not being ready to be a parent", but I was 26 when the first child was born--so I hoped I was! Parenting is the hardest thing ever, and when you add stumbling blocks to the mix like young aged parents, both parents working, non-supportive extended family---it's got to be nearly impossible! That was in no way a dig on 2 working parents...it just makes it harder to come home tired at the end of the day, and still have all of the 'home stuff' to do. I don't know how working mom's do it...I'm always impressed. If anyone figures out a way to get the "How To" handbook to come out with each child upon delivery...I would love to find the four I'm missing!! ;)

The one thing I have discovered is that there is help available - at the top of this page is a link to Minti - this is a great community of parents who have been there and done that - they have a good help section where you can ask for advice - It is worth a try.

les

I am a stepmother to a 8 years old boy, since beginning of last year, and also a mother for an 8 months old. I can totally relate to the urgency felt towards our next generation, be it our own flesh and blood or not.

When I was dating my then boyfriend, now husband, I knew I had to mother his son, and I was all prepared for the 'what ifs' and 'negative connotations' when it comes to being a step-mom. And I went around getting advise and learning the ropes of how to relate to a 6y/o (then) plus exploring things kids of this age enjoys doing.

After my 1.5 years of relationship with the man and the child, I knew I was prepared to move things forward and we finally tied the knot beginning of last year.

I had painted a picture too good to be true, about mothering the child that is, because I totally forgotten to take into consideration an very very crucial factor - my Mother in law!!!!! Who has been SMOTHERING this boy till death for the longest time!!!

Now, at 8 years old, he STILL does not know how to bath himself properly, let alone pack his own bag for school!! (there were always remarks made in his notebook that he has forgotten his books EVERYDAY!!)

Also, the MOST ANNOYING part is HE JUST DOES NOT GREET ANYONE!! family members and strangers alike. Whenever I tried to teach him by example, and explain why it is important to greet someone, my mother-in-law would simply interfere and push it to the 'genetic structure' of the family - being the quiet type!!

Then episodes of him lying through his teeth, wide-eyed, about things I and the hidden camera caught him doing red-handed, and accusing the maid for something he himself has done, are just daily incidents that are happening at the tips of an ice-berg.

Everyday, I'm seeking for an answer and a way out. I can either just focus on my own baby and leave the 8 y/o to my Mother in law. OR press on with my mission impossible of 'tug-of-(power)war' over the 8 y/o with my mother in law.

I feel the urgency to teach and guide him NOW so that he can grow up PROPERLY, but what and how am I supposed to?

It seems like wrong for me either way.

I come from a family where my parents both worked outside the home. Until my two sisters and I were old enough to take care of ourselves, we had a baby sitter in the home. When I got married at the age of 20, I knew very little about what it means to be a parent. My new wife and I soon started learning the hard way when we had our first child within the first year we were married.

By the way, I am in my mid-50s. We eventually had five children and in the course of raising them, we made a lot of mistakes. I eventually went on to complete a degree in Child Development where I learned a lot that I wished I had known when I started my family. But one of the things that I learned was that very few people get formal training in being a parent. We parent the way we were parented for the most part.

Another interesting fact that has come out of studies is that successful parenting has no correlation with whether or not both parents worked outside the home or not. There is also no correlation to whether or not the family is of the traditional model. However, there is a tie to how involved the parent is in the child's life.

I've always worried about the lack of parental guidance skills too, especially if the mother-to-be has had no experience whatsoever with babies. Why does our culture not pay more attention to this??? How much better off we would be as a race if we started off knowing what we were doing.

Great post!!!

JJ :D

This was a very informative article. I really like your blog. You have it set up wisely. God bless and thanks for the info!

I agree with you on the score of maturity, however I think it is the combination of physical and emotional attributes. It is not just the diapers, there are so many young people growing up to today without any of the basic living skills.

When it comes to cooking, they know how to throw something in the microwave - but not how to cook a 'meal'. I know some youngsters that have never operated a washing machine - they left that to mom to do.

We don't seem to be preparing our kids for the future anymore - that is the overall point of the article.

Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment.

Interesting points. I have six children. The oldest is going on 29 the youngest is 17. I have a daughter who is 27 today and a parent.

When is anybody really ready to be a parent? :) But I am currently reading a book "The Way We Never Were". It is a look at this thing we think of as the "traditional" family that really never was. This same author also wrote a book on the history of marriage. Both are very interesting books.

I think being prepared to be a parent is more about overall maturity, including emotional maturity and adaptibility then knowing how to change a diaper.

I was fortunate to help care for my two youngest sisters who were born when I was 11 and 17 which really helped me prepare for motherhood. I am now 25 and I have a 2 year old and 10 month old.

Excellent post! It is so incredibly true, and very, very sad.

To give you hope - yes, I would say that our daughter, not quite 18, is prepared and ready to be a wife and mother.

Blessings -
Camille